I was with the fam last weekend, and we have TONS of family drama cropping up. I'm not going into that here, not the time or place, and I really don't have anything to say anyway. However, the interesting thing is that I had a little time to chat with my brother and this is at least the third time where he has mentioned something from our dysfunctional childhood that I had COMPLETELY BLOCKED. Kinda makes me wonder how many other repressed memories I have tucked away in the grey matter. And the most recent one was all about how the family has always hidden things from older generations. And this has gone on for generations.
I've said for quite a while that for as different as we are, my brother and I cope with... whatever... in rather similar ways. Both are self-destructive. He drinks, I eat. He's an alcoholic, I'm fat.
And I'd repressed just how much the family hides things from others. And I hide my eating. Anything "bad", anything that's more than what is necessary, I desperately try to hide it. Creamy cheesy fattening naughty foods, I eat when the hubbster is out of town. Or in my car. Or whatever. Bags of candy hidden in my desk. All that jazz. But anything I eat in private shows up on my body in public. How can I break the cycle of, well, dysfunction?
No, really, someone tell me. Cuz I don't have a clue. I keep thinking that recognizing all this will help. And maybe it is, because I think I'm less bad than before. I've managed to mostly maintain my weight (at least stick right around the same size) for like 4 years now, which is nothing short of a miracle. I've never stayed the same weight for more than 2 years in my entire life. Ever. Always going up or down. Mostly up. Some down. But the downs are always followed by more ups. And never staying the same, at least not for very long.
But I hope someday I'll figure out how to use this information to my advantage and actually get to a healthy weight. One thing's for sure, I've figured out a million ways that don't work!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Speaking of homesteading
Guess where I am this weekend? Hubby and I are playing farmer!
But it just made me want my homestead even more. *sigh*
But it just made me want my homestead even more. *sigh*
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
It was sort of an accident
This was never a serious plan. I didn't wake up one day and go "yanno what? I should prepare for the apocalypse" I didn't read horror stories of the end-of-days being upon us. I never worried about preparing for the worst.
And quite frankly, I've said for years that if a major disaster happens, I want to be sitting my fat butt right on the epicenter. I want to be the first to go. I don't have the drive or ambition to rebuild society. I really don't care to learn how to build shelter in the wilderness and fight off the crazy people and all that jazz. I want to die early if a major catastrophic event happens.
So none of the things I do now are born of a deep-seated desire to be a survivalist. It was more just because I was a bored housewife. I spent a few years as a single woman in her own home with a career and all that jazz. Well, rental home, but home nonetheless. I had to do everything, and I mostly had to do it all Monday through Thursday because I'd spend all weekend every weekend 4 hours away at my then-boyfriend's house. But after a few years, the boyfriend became the husband, I gave up my job and my home and moved into his house. And in a lot of ways it all went downhill from there. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and in the long run I am better for having him. But in my day-to-day life, bleh. I had no job, no friends, no sense of belonging, nothing to do, no independence, nothing.
So I started searching for things to do that interest me. I like to bake. Hubby likes the smell of baking bread. Put one and one together, and I started baking all our own bread. Sandwich bread, hamburger and hot dog buns, dinner rolls and breadsticks. I can do it all!
Other things have come even more strangely. When I had been searching for bread recipes or other meal recipes (I love to cook) I had seen instructions for making your own yogurt. I ignored them at the time, as they were for plain unsweetened yogurt and we always ate the sweet fruit-flavored stuff. And, really, yogurt's supposed to be good for you, right? So, why bother. But then one day as I was enjoying a cup of sweet fruity yogurt, I actually read the label. It had BOTH Nutrasweet AND high fructose corn syrup. The fuck? That seems a bit much. So I headed back to the googles and researched homemade yogurt some more. Guess what? Totally easy. And, thanks to the GOBS of home-canned jams and fruits in my basement, my plain unsweetened homemade yogurt gets delicious with the addition of homemade natural jams and fruits.
It wasn't any sort of "omg we must eat natural" or "organic is best" or "down with corporations" or "save the earth" or any of that crap. It was more just "why not?"
I'd been canning for years, I started that before I ever got married. At first I just did a couple things, salsa and jalapeño jelly mostly. After the wedding, the hubby was reminiscing about the canned cherries his grandma used to put up. So I started doing cherries. And the apple tree on my parents' farm had a good year, so I canned applesauce. Still only did things that you could do in a boiling water canner. I had a pressure canner, but I never used it. We moved to our new home and there is a wild blackberry patch, so I started canning wild blackberry jam too. Still just boiling water canning.
This year in addition to the bread and yogurt, I decided to broaden my canning skills. I got my pressure gauge tested on my canner, I read my Ball Blue Book and a lot of websites. I found recipes for things we actually eat. No sense in making a bunch of stuff no one around here likes. And as of right now, my canning cabinet is full of salsa, jalapeño jelly, strawberry rhubarb jam, blackberry jam, cherries, cherry preserves, maraschino cherries, strawberry jam, key lime marmalade, blueberry jam, peach preserves, maraschino cherry jelly, blackberry lemonade concentrate, pink lemonade concentrate, chicken, ham and beans, corned beef hash mix, pumpkin, chicken broth, apple pie filling, applesauce, apple butter, and probably a few other things I'm forgetting.
When I told my mom about the adventures with apples recently, she made the comment that "wow if anything happens, you two will be able to eat for a long time!" That's when I realized that I stumbled into semi-preparedness by accident. I'm still not any sort of "I'm going to survive the apocalypse" person, but I have a hobby that I have a lot of fun with, and it provides us with a basic necessity.
And quite frankly, I've said for years that if a major disaster happens, I want to be sitting my fat butt right on the epicenter. I want to be the first to go. I don't have the drive or ambition to rebuild society. I really don't care to learn how to build shelter in the wilderness and fight off the crazy people and all that jazz. I want to die early if a major catastrophic event happens.
So none of the things I do now are born of a deep-seated desire to be a survivalist. It was more just because I was a bored housewife. I spent a few years as a single woman in her own home with a career and all that jazz. Well, rental home, but home nonetheless. I had to do everything, and I mostly had to do it all Monday through Thursday because I'd spend all weekend every weekend 4 hours away at my then-boyfriend's house. But after a few years, the boyfriend became the husband, I gave up my job and my home and moved into his house. And in a lot of ways it all went downhill from there. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and in the long run I am better for having him. But in my day-to-day life, bleh. I had no job, no friends, no sense of belonging, nothing to do, no independence, nothing.
So I started searching for things to do that interest me. I like to bake. Hubby likes the smell of baking bread. Put one and one together, and I started baking all our own bread. Sandwich bread, hamburger and hot dog buns, dinner rolls and breadsticks. I can do it all!
Other things have come even more strangely. When I had been searching for bread recipes or other meal recipes (I love to cook) I had seen instructions for making your own yogurt. I ignored them at the time, as they were for plain unsweetened yogurt and we always ate the sweet fruit-flavored stuff. And, really, yogurt's supposed to be good for you, right? So, why bother. But then one day as I was enjoying a cup of sweet fruity yogurt, I actually read the label. It had BOTH Nutrasweet AND high fructose corn syrup. The fuck? That seems a bit much. So I headed back to the googles and researched homemade yogurt some more. Guess what? Totally easy. And, thanks to the GOBS of home-canned jams and fruits in my basement, my plain unsweetened homemade yogurt gets delicious with the addition of homemade natural jams and fruits.
It wasn't any sort of "omg we must eat natural" or "organic is best" or "down with corporations" or "save the earth" or any of that crap. It was more just "why not?"
I'd been canning for years, I started that before I ever got married. At first I just did a couple things, salsa and jalapeño jelly mostly. After the wedding, the hubby was reminiscing about the canned cherries his grandma used to put up. So I started doing cherries. And the apple tree on my parents' farm had a good year, so I canned applesauce. Still only did things that you could do in a boiling water canner. I had a pressure canner, but I never used it. We moved to our new home and there is a wild blackberry patch, so I started canning wild blackberry jam too. Still just boiling water canning.
This year in addition to the bread and yogurt, I decided to broaden my canning skills. I got my pressure gauge tested on my canner, I read my Ball Blue Book and a lot of websites. I found recipes for things we actually eat. No sense in making a bunch of stuff no one around here likes. And as of right now, my canning cabinet is full of salsa, jalapeño jelly, strawberry rhubarb jam, blackberry jam, cherries, cherry preserves, maraschino cherries, strawberry jam, key lime marmalade, blueberry jam, peach preserves, maraschino cherry jelly, blackberry lemonade concentrate, pink lemonade concentrate, chicken, ham and beans, corned beef hash mix, pumpkin, chicken broth, apple pie filling, applesauce, apple butter, and probably a few other things I'm forgetting.
When I told my mom about the adventures with apples recently, she made the comment that "wow if anything happens, you two will be able to eat for a long time!" That's when I realized that I stumbled into semi-preparedness by accident. I'm still not any sort of "I'm going to survive the apocalypse" person, but I have a hobby that I have a lot of fun with, and it provides us with a basic necessity.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Did you miss me?
I love how blogspot lets you keep your site even if you only post a dozen times in a year. Nice.
So... is it time for an update? Let's go through my old posts and see where I am now.
Still invisible. I'm about 10 lbs down from my highest point, although that's 7 lbs higher than I had gotten to in the last year or so. Struggling. I've gotten away from the podcasts, and maybe that's part of the problem. I've forgotten about Persistence, Patience and Practice. Also not exercising regularly, although I have been working on finding workouts I don't mind. More on all this later.
I have made progress on lunch though. Lots of paninis and shit made up ahead of time and wrapped up and stowed in the freezer. One goes into the toaster oven, and I have a good lunch that isn't a pathetic sad affair at home or a lonely expensive affair out.
And I've actually made progress on those Springtime Fantasies too! No, I haven't started gardening (and we're coming up on November, so I'm probably not going to start any time soon) and I still don't look so good in a sundress (although, oddly, the hubbster seems to think I do. weird) I have canned so much I'm just about out of empty jars though! I experimented with pressure canning this year. And.....
I discovered "homesteading".
This is going to be a huge post (and well past my bedtime) if I go into all of it right now. But I have learned that homesteading doesn't have to be off-grid self-sustaining Little House on the Prairie homestead. Make your own homestead. And I'm in LOVE with the idea! So many things. I'll be back soon with details.
So... is it time for an update? Let's go through my old posts and see where I am now.
Still invisible. I'm about 10 lbs down from my highest point, although that's 7 lbs higher than I had gotten to in the last year or so. Struggling. I've gotten away from the podcasts, and maybe that's part of the problem. I've forgotten about Persistence, Patience and Practice. Also not exercising regularly, although I have been working on finding workouts I don't mind. More on all this later.
I have made progress on lunch though. Lots of paninis and shit made up ahead of time and wrapped up and stowed in the freezer. One goes into the toaster oven, and I have a good lunch that isn't a pathetic sad affair at home or a lonely expensive affair out.
And I've actually made progress on those Springtime Fantasies too! No, I haven't started gardening (and we're coming up on November, so I'm probably not going to start any time soon) and I still don't look so good in a sundress (although, oddly, the hubbster seems to think I do. weird) I have canned so much I'm just about out of empty jars though! I experimented with pressure canning this year. And.....
I discovered "homesteading".
This is going to be a huge post (and well past my bedtime) if I go into all of it right now. But I have learned that homesteading doesn't have to be off-grid self-sustaining Little House on the Prairie homestead. Make your own homestead. And I'm in LOVE with the idea! So many things. I'll be back soon with details.
Friday, April 6, 2012
I ate everything
The hubbster and I are on vacation right now. I just wanted to document everything I ate because it was DELICIOUS and I'm 99% sure I can recreate pretty much all of it at home. Of course I won't get to eat it on a patio with the ocean crashing on the beach right below me, but whatever. (wait, is that why it tasted so good? oh I'm screwed...)
First meal worth remembering: it was so simple, yet so delectable. We went to a Greek restaurant and I had a veggie wrap. It was just a pita bread, toasted, and filled with red and green bell peppers, onions, and these giant meaty mushrooms that had all been... umm... probably sauteed in 32 gallons of olive oil... and then there was tzatziki and feta. It was served with lemony potatoes and a bit of Greek salad. Yum! Also my permanent dining partner ordered a corn and crab soup that was out of this world. It was creamy, and if memory serves me correctly (it's not on their online menu) I think it said something about Chardonnay. But I might be crazy.
And then tonight. I ate EVERYTHING. 3 hours later and I'm still stuffed. We started with fried calamari. And I had a local brew. Then I had this bowl of stuff... started with a base of diced mango and red bell peppers. Shrimps. Add some coconut rice. And because I like to live on the edge, I had them add a big ol' hunk of sesame and wasabi crusted tuna. Rare, of course. My man loves his steak rare. And he even makes medium-ish pork chops. But he FREAKS THE HELL OUT when I order rare tuna. So I do it every chance I get. Because it's fun. Oh yeah, and after I finished my beer, I had two-for-ones of their version of rum punch. Mmmmmmmm rum punch. But wait, I forgot the best part!
Crab
Mac
and
Cheese
Shut the fuck up. That was awesome.
I munched on 4 different kinds of marine life in one meal. Die, fishies! Get in mah belly!
Did I mention crab mac and cheese? Seriously. I kinda wanted to order 3 or 4 more servings and bring them back to the hotel for breakfast.
And we wrapped it up by splitting a piece of Key lime pie. Which I also wanted extras to bring back for breakfast.
I slid off my chair. Holy shitballs.
First meal worth remembering: it was so simple, yet so delectable. We went to a Greek restaurant and I had a veggie wrap. It was just a pita bread, toasted, and filled with red and green bell peppers, onions, and these giant meaty mushrooms that had all been... umm... probably sauteed in 32 gallons of olive oil... and then there was tzatziki and feta. It was served with lemony potatoes and a bit of Greek salad. Yum! Also my permanent dining partner ordered a corn and crab soup that was out of this world. It was creamy, and if memory serves me correctly (it's not on their online menu) I think it said something about Chardonnay. But I might be crazy.
And then tonight. I ate EVERYTHING. 3 hours later and I'm still stuffed. We started with fried calamari. And I had a local brew. Then I had this bowl of stuff... started with a base of diced mango and red bell peppers. Shrimps. Add some coconut rice. And because I like to live on the edge, I had them add a big ol' hunk of sesame and wasabi crusted tuna. Rare, of course. My man loves his steak rare. And he even makes medium-ish pork chops. But he FREAKS THE HELL OUT when I order rare tuna. So I do it every chance I get. Because it's fun. Oh yeah, and after I finished my beer, I had two-for-ones of their version of rum punch. Mmmmmmmm rum punch. But wait, I forgot the best part!
Crab
Mac
and
Cheese
Shut the fuck up. That was awesome.
I munched on 4 different kinds of marine life in one meal. Die, fishies! Get in mah belly!
Did I mention crab mac and cheese? Seriously. I kinda wanted to order 3 or 4 more servings and bring them back to the hotel for breakfast.
And we wrapped it up by splitting a piece of Key lime pie. Which I also wanted extras to bring back for breakfast.
I slid off my chair. Holy shitballs.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Springtime Fantasies
I am a winter person. I love winter. My favorite sports are all related to snow and ice.
And then I moved to a place dominated by summer... and misery.
Winter around here is typically pretty chilly and windy, but mostly brown. And as this pathetic snow-less winter drags into an even more dreary no-longer-winter-but-not-yet-spring season, I start dreaming of spring. Visions start running through my head. Beautiful ones, not the horrifically terrifying visions I have in that half hour between laying down in bed and falling asleep, but that's a story for another day.
I have visions of glorious colorful flowers. Visions of a bountiful vegetable garden. Fragrant herbs in terracotta pots on my patio. My front porch and white picket fence all cleaned up and mold-free. Me frolicking gaily around my yard in a sundress and big floppy straw hat.
And then (because I have an extremely vivid imagination) my visions get even more elaborate. I'm taking all those delicious vegetables and herbs and preserving them in various states and recipes with my canner. I've swapped my big floppy straw hat for a yellow apron. I see a stuffed canning cabinet, with so much food, bold colors in sparkling clear jars, ready and waiting to perk me up during another gloomy winter.
But then reality sets in. And I remember the following:
And I will power-wash the front of the house. Possibly tomorrow if the wind dies down.
And then I moved to a place dominated by summer... and misery.
Winter around here is typically pretty chilly and windy, but mostly brown. And as this pathetic snow-less winter drags into an even more dreary no-longer-winter-but-not-yet-spring season, I start dreaming of spring. Visions start running through my head. Beautiful ones, not the horrifically terrifying visions I have in that half hour between laying down in bed and falling asleep, but that's a story for another day.
I have visions of glorious colorful flowers. Visions of a bountiful vegetable garden. Fragrant herbs in terracotta pots on my patio. My front porch and white picket fence all cleaned up and mold-free. Me frolicking gaily around my yard in a sundress and big floppy straw hat.
And then (because I have an extremely vivid imagination) my visions get even more elaborate. I'm taking all those delicious vegetables and herbs and preserving them in various states and recipes with my canner. I've swapped my big floppy straw hat for a yellow apron. I see a stuffed canning cabinet, with so much food, bold colors in sparkling clear jars, ready and waiting to perk me up during another gloomy winter.
But then reality sets in. And I remember the following:
- we have crappy clay soil that won't grow much of anything except weeds and moles
- it gets beastly hot and humid here in the summer and I don't ever want to be outside except to be in the pool
- the only place we have to garden is across the driveway and more than a hose-length from the nearest water spigot
- I don't look good in a sundress
- the deer/rabbits/other creatures like to eat any flowers/vegetables/herbs/small trees/etc
- canning is no fun during August because the air conditioner can't keep up with all the boiling water
And I will power-wash the front of the house. Possibly tomorrow if the wind dies down.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
And Where Is My Jet-Pack???
Sometimes I wish all that futuristic sci-fi stuff that was dreamed up back in the '60s actually came true. Yeah, jet-packs would be pretty cool, but mostly I'm talking about food coming in pill form.
I have been working on improving my emotional relationship with food. I have made great strides (more on that later, if anyone is interested) but the one downfall is I struggle with figuring out what to eat now.
I was at the grocery store on Friday. I had two meals to plan: my parents were going to be over for supper on Saturday and the hubbster was home for supper tonight for the only time in two weeks. That was no problem, I love to cook for others. I found two recipes that looked good, and decided which to make on which night based on my dad's and my husband's likes and dislikes. Before I left home, I made up my grocery list with the things I'd need for both meals, and then at the bottom of the list I added "my lunches"
I wandered all the way around that grocery store three full times. I could NOT figure out what the heck I wanted for my next few lunches. And at that point I realized my life would really be easier if food came in pill form and I didn't have to think about it.
And I want a jet-pack.
But I do not want to have to wear a shiny silver track suit.
I have been working on improving my emotional relationship with food. I have made great strides (more on that later, if anyone is interested) but the one downfall is I struggle with figuring out what to eat now.
I was at the grocery store on Friday. I had two meals to plan: my parents were going to be over for supper on Saturday and the hubbster was home for supper tonight for the only time in two weeks. That was no problem, I love to cook for others. I found two recipes that looked good, and decided which to make on which night based on my dad's and my husband's likes and dislikes. Before I left home, I made up my grocery list with the things I'd need for both meals, and then at the bottom of the list I added "my lunches"
I wandered all the way around that grocery store three full times. I could NOT figure out what the heck I wanted for my next few lunches. And at that point I realized my life would really be easier if food came in pill form and I didn't have to think about it.
And I want a jet-pack.
But I do not want to have to wear a shiny silver track suit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)