Smeg-up #1

In my soul-baring to the hubbster last weekend, I made sure to tell him that I knew I would make mistakes and have stumbles, but asked him to please be patient with me.

Well, I'm having both.  First of all, my little windowsill herb garden that I started last month

is growing quite nicely.  The one pictured contains basil, chives, cilantro and dill.  I have a second tray containing lemon basil (which I am not sure I care about, but it came in the kit) oregano, parsley and thyme.  The downside is that our windows are lightly-tinted (just enough to block the worst of the furniture-fading UV rays, not so much that I feel like I'm living in the back seat of a rapper's car) so the plants were a little sunlight-starved.  I put up a grow light.  Now my sister in law is making fun of me... asking if that's REALLY oregano!

Anyway we had one day earlier in the week that was teetering on summer temperatures so I opened up the window to let the plants get some extra natural light.  Then the mistake happened.  I kinda forgot that the wind was blowing eight-freaking-hundred-miles-per-freaking-hour.  The second tray tipped over.  Oops!  I didn't take a picture of that.  Just imagine potting soil all over the carpet.  Luckily two of the pots didn't really dump, their plants were big enough to hold everything in.  But the thyme and oregano pots poured all over everywhere.  I barely managed to salvage two teeny tiny little plants of each and tried replanting them.  I wasn't holding my breath on that one though so I tossed a few more seeds in each pot too.  Thankfully I had saved the not-empty seed packets after the first planting.

The strange thing is the replanted plants actually seem to be doing better now than they had been before the dumping.  Weird.  Everything else seems to be going along quite nicely too.  If the dumped plants keep doing well, I'll just pluck out the seedlings when they sprout next week.  I don't want to overcrowd the pots.  I have actually thinned a bit more since the photo above was taken.

Then I slipped up, my ambition has gone out the window for a bit.  This week the annual Christmas depression set in..  Before Thanksgiving I was hoping it wasn't going to be so bad this year.  We're only making one stop instead of two on the 10-days-of-xmas-hell tour, and it's only going to be more like a 3-day tour instead of 10.  But as soon as hubby mentioned making a wish list so his family could go shopping, the blues set in hard core.  I struggled through making a list with him, he sent half off to his family, and I was supposed to send the other half to my family.  That was two weeks ago.  I just can't bring myself to do it.  And I cry.

He was out of town last night for work, and I was going to take the day and a half on my own and spend it putting up some decorations.  I really don't care to decorate, but I know he likes it.  I mean it's not like we're here to enjoy it.  Noooo, we have to be out of town.  Bleh.  Anyway, I brought a couple boxes upstairs.  I even went so far as to put the artificial tree together.  And then I cried even harder.  And I walked away.  And I felt so bad that I really felt like my throat was closing up.  I couldn't breathe and I started to choke.  So I took the tree apart and took the boxes back downstairs.  I 'fessed up that I had gotten boxes out, but I didn't admit that I had actually assembled the tree.  Somehow taking it back apart seems even more crazy.

And I cried.

And now I'm feeling down about everything in life again.  I'll never be happy.  No one likes me.  Nothing I do is good enough.  I'm going to be stuck in this living hell for the rest of my life.  I'll never survive to get away from here.  There's no point in going on.

All that because my family needs a gift wish list.

What the hell?

I'm trying to pick myself back up by the boot straps.  I got the kitchen cleaned.  I want to get all the floors cleaned before hubby gets home.  We'll see.  Wish me luck.

*deep breath*